Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
