You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
