Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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