Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
