yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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