so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize