Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize