Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
