My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
