Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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