Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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