He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
