Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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