Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
