try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
