youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
