to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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