i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The air was thick with penises
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
