He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
