i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
