think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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