i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
