Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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