How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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