So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you would pick up someone in the library
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
PANTIES FOUND
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