Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
