so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
