Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
