I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
