Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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