my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize