He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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