Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
