Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
