Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
