you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
