: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Only a mothe r could love this liver
one might say we're banned from that church
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
