I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
