MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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