i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Edward fifth and chaser hands
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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