apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
