I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
