Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
God, I missed his penis.
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