The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
