we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
