Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
