I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is wine microwaveable?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
