I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
