We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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