1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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