8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
