it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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