so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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