Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
