I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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