Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have fence marks all over my body
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
