You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
