Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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