I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
