I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
