i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
