When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
