I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
