you win again, gameday.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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