if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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