Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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