matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize