somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
