if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
