living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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