when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
