I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
