Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
