i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
