How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
