Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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