He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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