operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
