I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize