i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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