I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
