Where did you get a picture of my penis
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
