I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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