Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
