She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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